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We've been close companions for more than 20 years, who has overcome numerous challenges, and I respect her for that. However, she has been repeatedly taken by surprise by others. Her husband walked away, which came as a massive blow. Many of close acquaintances disappeared then, because they seemed drawn to her husband. This surprised her deeply. She put in greater energy to be my friend, and must have understood more clearly the essence of true friendship.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, several of her friends have disappeared without her being knowing the cause. The company she worked for suddenly changed toward her, despite the fact that she was an excellent employee, she departed without knowing why things shifted.

Current Dynamics

Recently, we have each retired and are seeing each other more, however, I feel my position in our friendship is to listen. I start subjects only for her to redirect conversation onto her own topics. Regarding political views, she has strong opinions. My effort is to recommend verifying facts and alternate views.

She's been arranging a vacation abroad I've visited many times and lived in for a while. I tried to share insights, but this was met with resistance. She essentially only wanted me to confirm her choices. I've just come back from 30 days in that place she hopes to meet, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I don't want to act as a friend who abandons suddenly abruptly, but I don't think she'll truly comprehend the consequences of her behaviour on my self-esteem. Currently, I find myself in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

One option is to cut and run, yet this is rarely the easy answer we imagine. However, addressing it with a view to working things out demands strength and openness on both your parts.

Professional advice indicates trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step requires explaining what typically happens in your conversations. This needs to be objective and clear like what a recording device would replay. The second is to tell the way it makes you feel. Ideally, there's no disagreement on this point. Your feelings are your feelings, naturally. The third step is to ask how you are both will alter the pattern of your friendship."

Keep in mind that she also holds perspectives, so you need to be prepared to listen to her. One effective method is telling your friend:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to listen without interrupting for half an hour."

It's remarkably effective to encourage better communication.

Closing Considerations

Your friend may dismiss all you say, as some people cling to a self-protecting mindset: they have a story regarding their experiences they're unable to let go of since their identity is tied to it being the only thing they've known. This poses a challenge because there's no thoroughfare here, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might at first react like this before reflecting on your words. And even if you don't achieve a resolution, it provides satisfaction knowing you were open and direct.